Forever Fighting Fat: The Never Ending Weight Loss Journey

Changing the View

I stood on my head today. Well, that's not exactly accurate. Actually standing on my head would require a level of flexibility and dexterity not possessed by yours truly as my feet cannot even reach that big ol' noggin of...

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Newspaper Column: The pain & benefits of change

I didn't realize how long it's been since I posted anything! My, what a flake I am! I'll be back soon. However, in the meantime, my newspaper column for this week is available here

Enjoy.

Absolutely Hysterical "Interview" with Doctor About Weight Loss -- FUNNY!

I don't know where this comes from but I found it at Weight Watchers today. I read it to the meeting. I had to share it. Enjoy.
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Q:  Doctor, I’ve heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that’s it… don’t waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that’s like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a  nap.

Q:  Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A:  You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn.  And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.

Q:  Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A:  No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy  is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way.  Beer is also made out of grain.  Bottoms up!

Q:  How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A:  Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

Q:  What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A:  Can’t think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is:  No Pain…Good!

Q:  Aren’t fried foods bad for you?
A:  YOU’RE NOT LISTENING!!! ….  Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they’re permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

Q:  Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A:  Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

Q:   Is chocolate bad for me?
A:   Are you crazy? HELLO - Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It’s the best feel-good food around!

Q:  Is swimming good for your figure?
A:  If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.

Q:   Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
A:   Hey!  ‘Round’ is a shape!

Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.

AND…..

For those of you who watch what you eat, here’s the final word on nutrition and health. It’s a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.

1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans..

5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

CONCLUSION

Eat and drink what you like.  Speaking English is apparently what kills you.

Jumping rope -- without the rope!

As a Weight Watchers leader and THINspirational speaker and columnist, I've heard a whole lot of funny things about weight loss. This ranks as one of the funniest (but I have to admit it almost make sense). It's a jump rope without the rope, just the sound. Click here.

Review of Weight Watchers Momentum Plan Books: Week 2

Since I've been following Weight Watchers 2009 Momentum Plan for a month now -- and since I'm actually taking the time to (re)read all the books that come with it, I figured it couldn't hurt to "review" each week's materials.  Because I am a firm believer that the program only works if you go to the meetings (after all, if you could lose the weight at home, you would have already lost it, wouldn't you?), and because I don't want to give away any secrets to non-members, I'll just go over it on a light sense. Although the intent isn't necessarily to drive you to a Weight Watchers meeting if you're not already going, I truly do believe in the program and think it will do virtually anybody who tries it a world of good. (If you'd like to read all my postings related to the Momentum in one click, follow this link. If you'd like to read about Weight Watchers new materials, follow this link.)

Book 2:
Activity Basics -- START MOVING MORE

 

One of the changes that took place when Weight Watchers switched to the Momentum Plan is that they modified the Good Health Guidelines to now include "at least 30 minutes of activity a day on most days of the week." Weight Watchers has almost always (at least as far back as the eighties) included a push on activity, right down to the four-way approach they have at the beginning of their materials and on their flip charts we use to teach the members;  but this is the first time they've included it in their Good Health Guidelines. 

What does that mean?

Missed Yoga - feel bad. Who would have thought that would happen?

Who would have ever thought I'd be upset about NOT being able to get to my Yoga class? Something is definitely askew!

Over two months ago now (can you believe it?), I started taking Yoga in order to deal with my borderline high blood pressure and advancing years. Also, it's something I've said I'm going to do for a long time. I bought Yoga DVDs and I was kinda, sorta, doing it every once in a little while; you know how it is. Anyway, in conjunction with the work I was kinda sorta doing with my kinda sort trainer, I committed to actually paying the monthly fee at Healthsport and getting involved in Yoga. One of the hardest things I have done was sign the little form authorizing them to take the money every month from my account. I wanted to do pay and play. No, that's not how it's done. Or maybe my trainer knew me too well and just didn't give me that option; food for thought...

So,  class number one was a joke. First of all, I was wearing sweatpants so I was indeed... sweating. I don't like to sweat. I prefer to "glisten." However, the worst part about the sweating was that my palms got slippery and when you're engaged in the pose from hell (which they call "Downward Dog") and you have to rely on the palms of your hands to prevent you from sliding across the floor, the last think you need is moisture on your hands. I thought, "Oh my God! Save me! I'm never gonna make it." My arms ached. My legs hurt. My shoulders throbbed.

It might not have been so bad if I had a realistic expectation but  I assumed it would be just standing around chanting while gracefully bending into relaxing life-affirming, all-mellow poses. (OK, I really didn't think that but I was hoping it would be.) Turns out I'm bending and stretching into positions that the human body finds someone counter-intuitive; or at least this 54 year old human body does.

"Put your arms here," the instructor would say, trying to guide me into a forward lunge.

"I'm trying, they don't go there."

"They will. Try this."

 And with her gentle (?) assistance, I would reach further than I was designed to reach and proceed (partially due to the aforementioned sweaty palms) to be laying flat on my nose, feeling like a factory-reject Weeble, (you remember those round big-bottom heavy-weighted toys that fell over all the time. "Weebles wobble but they don't fall down." Although, I would fall down so I don't know why I felt like a Weeble. Maybe it was that the pain was causing me to hallucinate.)

At session's end,  I had aches in places where I didn't even know I had places. Raising my arms above my shoulders required assistance and my walk seemed to have developed a straight-legged lurching punctuated with "ouch" and "oof" every third footfall.

If this is what better health feels like, it's highly overrated. I'm so outta here...

And then, I heard the words I tell so many others when they're losing weight, "Be patient. Be kind to yourself. Take small steps. Go easy. Don't compare yourself to others." Besides, I thought, if I'm supposed to be someone who motivates others on how to make changes, it seems appropriate that I should be able to actually DO some of the changes.

Since I was on the "more mature" side of the attendees, I also consoled my aching muscles and hyper-stretched limbs by saying to myself, "The other people in the room admire you for trying to make changes at your age. They probably leave after class and say to each other, 'Did you see that old guy in there? You gotta admire a guy like that trying to do this at his age.'" That spurred me on a little. Who knows, they could have all been meeting standing around doing Warrior  and extended Triangle poses and laughing at the old guy who keep toppling over, but what I don't know won't hurt me -- so I assumed the former.

And also, I gotta tell you it is so much easier to tell someone else how to make a change than it is to actually do it yourself. Doing the walk is nowhere near as much fun as just blustering one's way through the talk.

Anyhow, back to the story

I know that if you schedule something, you're more inclined to do it. So, I opened my (not so trusty) Palm Treo and scheduled the Tuesday morning session from Hell for every week. Then, you know what? I decided, "Well, if I'm in for a dime, I'm in for a dozen." Corny expression; doesn't even make sense; but I added a Friday appointment. More importantly I went.

Different teacher, a little softer but still awkward. From there, I added Wednesday evenings. And now, it's become a routine.

My teacher asked me how I was feeling about the classes. I said, "I've gone from dreading them to just being worried about them." I assume that's improvement.

I am walking taller. A fellow staffer at the 2009 Weight Watchers conference (where they taught us the new Momentum plan) approached me and said I had a "great walk." She didn't know me. She didn't know I was in Yoga. But, it was great to hear because -- well, because it was. I mean, who doesn't like compliments? (And I have a killer walk, I might add. You'd be jealous if you saw it. You'd say, "Wow! He might be clumsy in Yoga, but damn, what a gait!)

As things go, one class to another, one muscle to another, one pose into another. Cobra. High Lunge. Plank. Boat pose. Little by little they're shaping up. When I compare myself to the teacher (or most of the class, I feel like they're trying to bend a board. When I think about how far I've moved, I feel like ribbon. And I love the feeling of relaxation (and relief) when we finally get to Corpse pose (which is pretty much self explanatory).

So, why didn't I go?

I have a cold right now and I got all ready to go and then started a sneezing fit. My greater angels won out. I realized that I would consider it dedication. The others in my class would consider it rude.  It's one thing to have a middle age guy who falls over all the time in the class; that might even be a little motivational in some unusual way. However, if he sneezing all over me, not so much.

So, I am at home writing this story; sharing with you and constantly watching the clock; feeling like I am really missing out on something; my yoga session. I would have never thought...

Big Loss First Week on New Weight Watchers Momentum Plan

I didn't get to post yesterday because it was one of the those "crazy busy days" that periodically slap you upside the head.  Deadlines and such kept me moving from before dawn to very late at night. However, I completed my first week on the new Weight Watchers Momentum plan, which I have been diligently following. As part of such diligence, I decided I would not step on a scale all week also. I tend to do that to give me an excuse to:

A) Be disappointed with my results and figure, "oh what the hell, I might as well eat"
-- or --
B) Be excited with my results and figure, "Wow! I didn't think it would be going so well, I can eat more."

Either way, I end up the same: chubby. Gotta stop it. So I did. I figured I'd just wait it out and let the program do its job.

So it's with no small amount of consternation that I climb on the scale Tuesday at my meeting (which I might point out is AFTER lunch -- yikes!). At first, I just kind of "tested the waters:" wearing my sweater, shoes, belt, etc. That looked OK.  Then, I removed the "extra weight list"

1. Sweater
2. Shoes
3. Belt
4. Wallet
5. Money clip
6. Pen
7. Spare change

I was alone in the room but I resisted the urge to strip down to my skivvies. There's a fine line between compulsive and obsessive and I tread it. Must be very careful, you know?

So, lo and behold, I was expecting three pounds, thought I might get four, really wanted five -- and I got

Butt Clenching at Bus Stops

You gotta love this one. It's a report from Great Britain about a study that shows that if people were to clench their buttocks while waiting for the bus, they'd be more fit. Sure, why not? But I guess Great Britain has plenty of money to fund such studies.

Biopsy -- and now this too?

OK, so like the good little soldier I am, I set up the appointment with my Doctor. It's a beautiful day, which makes it a little easier for me to keep to my promise of only using my car on Mondays; so I hop on bicycle and pedal to Eureka Family Practice so he can look at my mole.

Of course, I hate the fact that they weigh you in public -- and on a scale that looks like it's designed for cattle -- but that turns out OK. (Follow this link to find my column about weighing in at a doctor's office.) Including shoes, keys, cell phone, and everything, I'm quite frankly surprised.

Into the little room I go and the attendant takes my blood pressure. 120/100

"What?" I ask. "120 over 100? Isn't that high?"

"I would have thought you'd be textbook," he says, noting my bike gear.

"What does this mean?" I ask.

He starts to answer; pauses, then says, "I can't say. The doctor will be here in a moment."

Dr. Lear opens the door a few seconds later. I like him. Most doctors treat you like you're a piece of meat. Dr. Lear seems to really be present and focused. I mean, I'd rather not be at the doctor's office at all. But, if I have to be, I might as well be treated nicely.

He sees me busy on my laptop and says, "Writing about me in your column?"

"No, not unless you do something weird." I close the laptop.

Long and short of it all is he checks the mole, which actually isn't a "mole" per se. It's some other kind of growth that -- at least to me -- looks like a mole. You know the expression, "If it walks like a mole and it quacks like a mole, it must be mole." However, it has some other name. Ooops, I digress.

He inspects the color change and says it's probably some blood seeping into the not-a-mole and it was probably caused by some trauma (like I bumped into it). "Fifty percent says that's all it is," he says. "But let's shave it off and send it in for a biopsy -- just to make sure."

An Absolutely Glorious Day & a Lesson from Dashboard Confessional

Over the weekend, after flipping channels, I landed on Sundance TV's show, Live from Abbey Road. I've never seen the show before but when I have some spare time (rather I should say, "when I'm willing to take some spare time"), I enjoy watching concert television. Now that we have the HDTV and the nice sound system, it's a great way to relax. Anyway, although I had heard of the artists (basically through my son Brandon), I was not familiar with Dashboard Confessional. The lead singer, Chris Carrabba, had some brief interview clips. Then the band played a few of their songs.

Carrabba was talking about taking the time to periodically notice certain events when they happen, realizing that that moment, that specific thing, would be a future memory. It would be one of the sweeter reminders of life. (I don't know if he actually worked it like that. Quite frankly, an emo band lead singer would probably not say it that way. However, that's how this middle aged guy picked it up.) Their song, "Hands Down" is based on one of those moments, or so he explained in the interview. He just took the time to focus on a very special time, a place he knew would be a future memory and he wrote a song about it.

 

We've all got those "moments," those snap snots in time that stand out. The key is to see them when they're happening and appreciate how special they will be someday in the future. It's kind of the ultimate living in the "now."

So, what's all this got to do with dieting and good health?